Coursework Commentaries: Examiners' report

Extracts from the Examiners’ Report (June 2010)
with examples of students’ work, explaining what makes a good commentary

Commentaries had much improved this year. Students still face the challenge of having to write about such an apparently large number of aspects in a comparatively small number of words. However, centres have evidently learnt better how to advise their students on this and many candidates reflected their wide knowledge successfully here.

Balance is a key word with the commentaries. High attaining students were able to balance the differing aspects required of them rather than be pulled exclusively in one particular direction. Successful commentaries showed a very intelligent melding of the literary and linguistic, with often the linguistic dominating somewhat.

Again, the start of the commentary is important. Good practice involved the students using their introduction to mention, briefly, each of the aspects they would go onto discuss in more detail. In doing so, they were able to demonstrate and acknowledge the different skills they had put into practice within their own texts.

Exemplar 4

‘Wings Spread Wide, Body Undefeated concentrates on the theme of entrapment central to the core text ‘LOTF’ by William Golding. My text adopts the plot of ‘LOTF’ to explore the psychological effects on Ralph and employs the theme ‘civilisation verses savagery’ demonstrating how experiences can manipulate an individual throughout life. The text focuses on the stages gone through to achieve closure. The genre is predominantly mystery fiction and would appeal to an adult audience because of its disordered chronological format.’

Exemplar 5

‘My text on the theme of entrapment for a listening audience took the form of a short radio drama. Its purpose is to entertain, but UK from Dignitas after helping a loved one die. It is aimed at adults, especially those with limited knowledge of MS, to help them understand more about it. In my test, Sarah feels trapped within her body; MS sufferers lose control of the functions of their bodies. They are also trapped within the law, as Sarah does not want her husband to be prosecuted, even though she wants him to be with her. Also to provoke thought and awareness on the topic of assisted suicide. I was inspired by hearing about Purdy and her fight to make the law clear about whether people will be prosecuted when returning back to the UK.’

Examiner Comments

Clearly, both these candidates have been well advised on the varying points they need to focus on. Each, without seeming too formulaic, has evidently followed a ‘check list’ of aspects to include. This would appear to be good practice. Establishing just what aspects need to be covered, and ensuring each is mentioned in a form of introduction, would give candidates a solid grounding for the rest of their commentary.

4

Literary and Linguistic Aspects

Students must then focus on the literary and linguistic devices they have deliberately exploited within their own creative pieces. It is vital that both aspects are explored and that students do not merely feature spot with their own texts. They must adequately discuss both what techniques they have included, and also the likely affect of these techniques on their chosen audience.

So, for the literary.

Exemplar 6

‘I incorporated imagery within the monologue to provide connotations to hell and a dystopian context i.e. “fiery, blood red sun” and “ground was like pitchforks on my soles”. Antithesis involving imagery is evident i.e. “spread in black pools of icy cold sweat”. The adjectives, “icy” and “fiery”, contrast with one another, which convey to the audience a feeling of unrest and disturbance. This, along with the statement, “it was just the dark that was coming” metaphorically foreshadows a potential catalyst.’

Here, the candidate has analysed a specific literary technique, quoting from their own text and has gone on to discuss possible affect of this device on their intended audience.

Similarly, with the linguistic.

Exemplar 7

‘I intended to create an innocent, simple and unintelligent character. Simple sentence types involving monosyllabic and high frequency lexis such as “it was a small room” and “No sweat or anything”, show this. A social idiolect is recognised with colloquial and taboo such as “deck”, “arse” etc; contraction i.e. “didn’t” and “it’s” and clichés like “live and let live”.. I used these techniques to create an informal register. I based this character on the character Tommy, within the novel ‘Never Let Me Go’, who is also given an innocent persona through simple sentences, informal lexis and high frequency lexis within dialogue i.e. “I was mixed up in those days”.’

Examiner Comments

5

Stimulus Texts

In addition, students need to make explicit reference to their chosen stimulus text. It was clear during the moderation process that many centres have embraced the freedom allowed within the specification and not been overly subscriptive when advising students of their chosen core/stimulus text. In general, this should be encouraged, with centres who carefully select texts for candidates perhaps restricting the creative process. Certainly the spirit of the specification is that candidates be independent, and encouraged to research with a good deal of autonomy.

Exemplar 8

‘The focalised narrative position shifts to Frank’s voice through use of free speech and thought which creates contrast between the narrator. I drew inspiration from the source text ‘Little Things’ where free direct speech is used to create voice and ambiguity, therefore creating contrast between narration and voice of character.’